You cannot be happy without having peace of mind. Happiness requires freedom from worry, fear, anger, dissatisfaction, and similar negative emotions. The direct effect of positive emotions on the body is to stimulate the activity of the adrenal glands; that in turn stimulates and improves all functions. On the other hand, negative emotions immediately throw toxins into the blood, thus poisoning our body and mind.
There are two causes responsible for the presence of negative emotions in a person: physical and mental unfitness. Inasmuch as these two are interdependent, physical well-being occupies the first place. A healthy mind cannot dwell in a sick body. A healthy person being able to easily satisfy all his physical needs, acquires an attitude of assurance which makes him feel that he can cope with any hardship or any difficult situation. This self-assurance prevents him from doubting himself, fearing anything, or being worried.
We devoted the great part of this book to physical well-being and its aspects. We believe that, if followed assiduously, the methods outlined here will bring good health, and with it gradually build a sense of security, self-assurance, faith, and optimism.
On the mental side negative emotions are mainly a result of resentments imprinted in our mind in early childhood. They might have been caused by harsh treatment by parents or guardians, lack of love, mistreatment by playmates, lack of harmony between parents, abandonment of one parent by the other, divorce, and so on. Deeply imbedded in our subconscious mind these resentments are being directed by us towards the people we come in contact with thus making us excessively and unduly suspicious and unfriendly to others with the result of unbalancing our emotions, disturbing our peace of mind and making us unhappy.
Let us be frank—it is not an easy task to banish these enemies of our peace of mind. They have been imbedded in us for many years, and it is a slow and difficult process getting rid of them. However, it can be done and it will pay us to apply ourselves to do it.
The first step is to sit down either alone, or with a psychiatrist, and analyze our past and our inhibitions. Were our resentments justifiable? Were our parents at fault, or did they mean well but were restrained by their own bringing-up, the surroundings and ethics of their early childhood? Are these fears of ours justifiable? Are all the people around us trying to hurt us or will experience prove the opposite? Perhaps it is ourselves we have to change and not the other fellow?
An honest and thorough analysis of our whole make-up will show us that it is nothing but our own attitude to the surrounding world that makes us miserable. The feeling of fear originates from anticipation of harm that may be done to us either by others, by ourselves, or simply by time. Fundamentally, most people are good. Their aims, aspirations, ways of thinking and behaving, with very few exceptions, are exactly like our own. They have the same inhibitions, fears, and drawbacks as we do. There is no reason to fear or resent one another because we are the same in every particular, all a part of the Infinite, governed by the same law of give and take. When we antagonize others they will become frustrated and will immediately take a defensive or arrogant attitude. On the other hand, if we approach them with love and consideration, their hearts will open up towards us and return, in kind, our love and friendship. We must cultivate faith in humanity, and as soon as we feel that everybody is our friend, all resentment will disappear and with it much of our frustration. The highest ideal of human relationship is when one has attained the attitude expressed by the sentiment, “love thy enemy.” It is an attitude difficult even to approach, yet its achievement virtually opens the doors to paradise. What really could Be a greater mental sacrifice than to love the one who does you harm? It may be that feeling of compassion for your enemy’s erring, and returning kindness will finally turn him back to love for you too.
Fear for the negative consequences of our own actions can be banished by affirming to ourselves that we will henceforth apply the greatest caution and think twice before doing anything of importance or before saying anything to others. It is mostly our tongue, and not our actions, that puts us in all predicaments we go through. Try to think twice before talking.
Fear of the unforeseen or unknown can be remedied by affirmations like: “I have faith that with God’s help everything will be right.” Fear of time is the fear of approaching old age and its manifestations, and the fear of death. To reconcile oneself with the idea of aging, one must remember that each age from the cradle to the grave has its own beauty and its advantages. There are many things of interest with goals to achieve in every age of life and we should take every possible advantage of them. The more we accomplish at the proper age the less we shall miss or yearn for later on. Thus, what was desired and achieved at the age of ten will not be missed when one is forty.
Always look forward. Do not live in the past. Accept aging as a normal procedure and find contentment and happiness in the fine things which your present age offers. Keep busy; work; play; meet people; enjoy friendship, music, literature; gather wisdom; help others, and your life will be so complete that you will not have a chance to look back at the time when you had fewer lines on your face or less gray hair on your head. Keep fit and stay young as long as you live. Be young at seventy, eighty, ninety. Affirm to yourself daily: “I am young, strong and healthy; I will live long and be happy.”
Fear of death and the desire to continue living are natural emotions with every living being. It is self-evident that when we learn how best to take care of our body and follow that knowledge assiduously we will have no cause to worry about premature death. As far as natural death from old age is concerned there is no need to fear or worry about it either. Death from old age comes very naturally. The old person has had all life could offer, and becomes interested in more rest and sleep, regards the oncoming death as eternal sleep until at the end he fades away painlessly, in most cases while asleep. Death under such circumstances is not unwelcome by the senile individual, and is not to be feared by anyone. It is a quiet transition of the soul to life-after-death by liberating itself from a worn-out body ready to enter another body and, thereby, acquire more knowledge, experience, and progress in later reincarnations.
An inferiority complex is a negative condition of the subconscious mind affecting quite a number of people today. It is a feeling of one’s smallness as compared to others, especially those who are ahead of us in the social, economic, or intellectual ladder of success. An inferiority complex causes fears of failing to accomplish certain tasks, fears of ridicule by others, and fears of denial of certain privileges to us by others as a result of our shortcomings. This negative feeling gradually builds up inefficiency and inability to undertake many simple tasks in life. It undermines one’s self-confidence, may eventually reduce an individual to a state of misery, and, sometimes, even wrecks one’s whole life.
An inferiority complex is caused mainly by faulty bringing-up, the nagging and belittling of children by parents, physical deficiencies, and economic adversities.
In order to understand how erroneous and unjustified this state of mind is one must realize that God has created each person as an individual entity to which there is no likeness in the whole universe. Each one of us is destined to complete certain specific tasks on this earth, and so is created for a special purpose. There cannot and should not ever be made any comparison of qualifications or accomplishments of any two individuals. Each one of us is supposed to perform what God has prescribed for him or her to do here, and this in itself is a great and sacred decree to enact.
Constant nagging and reprimanding of children by parents, or men by their wives and vice versa are the main factors which cause anxiety and lead to the feeling of inferiority in an individual subjected to this torture. This is one of the most malevolent, and, unfortunately, also one of the most-indulged-in practices in family life. Where present all efforts should be made to have it discontinued and avoided no matter what happens.
To rid one’s self of the feeling of inferiority one should affirm to himself before falling asleep at night the following: “I believe that I am important; that I am chosen by God for a special purpose; I am sure of myself; I am doing the right things; I am making progress; God is with me at all times.”
To get over the feeling of inferiority in public join as many organizations as possible, and work actively in them, so that you may feel that you are doing important things for a good cause; meet people, get acquainted with as many as you can; talk to them freely—individuals and in groups. Little by little you will convince yourself that others are in no way better than yourself, that they have the same emotions, misapprehensions and weaknesses as you, and that there is no reason to imagine that they are in any way superior to you. Anything which is unknown to us seems strange and unattainable, but when we get nearer to it the myth disappears.
If you feel that you are deficient in certain respects try to overcome and correct your deficiencies through hard work and study so that you may eventually become proud of yourself and your achievements. Apply yourself to attaining success in life, and when you have done that you will feel equal and even superior to others.
In the last analysis we are all alike; we all have the same rights and the same opportunities. Have faith in your abilities and you cannot help but get to the top. There is a very truthful saying which everyone should repeat to himself every day of his life: “He can who thinks he can.” Always think you can, then success will come your way and your feeling of inferiority will disappear and give way to self-assurance and peace of mind.
Worry is a reaction of our body and mind to fear. Under the influence of fear: we wrinkle our forehead, strain our neck and various body muscles, poisons begin to flow into the blood, breathing becomes short and shallow, the heart begins to palpitate, digestion in the stomach and the flow of various juices and gland secretions is stopped. The mind becomes distracted, unable to reason logically, various complications like hysteria, nervous breakdown, brain stroke, et cetera, are not infrequently the results of worry.
Our worries can be classed as those about the past, present, and future. Worries about the past are mainly centered around our self—condemnation for actions, thoughts, and resentments we have had in the past. We must accept the contention that such deeds and feelings are normal with every individual once in a while, and that we are not the only ones who committed wrongs. We should be glad of the fact that we grew older and wiser, learned from our mistakes, and by this time we are changed people. We recognize our past errors, and are not going to repeat them again.
Worry is a mental disturbance, and, as such, lends itself to remedy mainly through mental channels. While a healthy body is less likely to harbor worries than a weak, sickly one; yet it is not always immune to it. The most effective remedy for worry is to continually impress upon our subconscious mind the idea that we are not worried, and do it so consistently that our subconscious mind will follow the orders. Affirm daily at every opportunity when reminded of the past: “My past is gone and forgotten. I am a new person now. I am forgiven for every misdeed and every bad thought in the past.”
Concerning the present, affirm: “I have no worries; I am happy; I am not concerned with these small matters. This will also pass away,” and the like. In worries about your relations with other people, wife, husband, employer, employee, et cetera, make up your mind that you will do your best to be direct, frank, and helpful to the others. This will lighten your mind immediately and free you from worry. If you reasoned and made a decision that you must perform a certain task—something risky, unpleasant, or new to you and are hesitating and worrying about it—take a deep breath and break the ice, go over to the person in question, speak to him or her and get it over with. No matter what the results will be your action will relieve you of the tension, and there will be no more cause for any future mental disturbance. Have faith that the outcome will be favorable, and affirm to yourself that God is with you and He will guide you to success. Once you gain such assurance you cannot fail to achieve your object since emanations of your magnetic force (which is present in everyone) will impress the other person in favor of you and tend to make him accede to your request.
Another cause of worry is self-criticism, Many of us are prone to criticize ourselves too harshly. As a result, we develop inferiority complexes, keep away from other people, and surround ourselves with a wall of resentment. A certain amount of self-criticism is necessary, and is of benefit, but one should not torture one’s self. Take into consideration that you are human, as are all the rest of the people, that everyone has certain limitations, and everyone makes mistakes. You are no worse than others. In fact, some people are worse than you; therefore, there is no need for your torturing yourself. For the same reason never feel inferior to anyone else. You would be amazed to know how many of those who seem to you people of great accomplishments have the same feelings of inferiority as you do. Practice affirmations of self-praise: “I am good; I am clever; I am attractive; people like me; people admire me;” and so on.
In a similar way all negative emotions—anger, jealousy, and contempt—can be controlled by analysis, a change of attitude, and self-affirmation. By a change of attitude we mean a different mental approach to the matter with the resolution of making up one’s mind to be considerate and forgiving, trying to see the other person’s side of the matter. Affirmations of the following nature are very helpful: “I am master of my emotions. I will not get angry. I love my neighbor and will treat him with consideration,” et cetera.
Harsh criticism of others is another disturbance to our own peace of mind. Although on the surface it may seem that by criticizing others we unburden ourselves and get a feeling of superiority, the real truth is that we build up in ourselves a resentment against others which gradually grows into hatred and poisons our body and mind.
Consider that the other person is as human as you are; do not expect too much of him; do not form any bad opinions about him without knowing all the facts or without hearing his side of it. Even when others make mistakes or act in what seems to you a mean way—give them the benefit of the doubt and another chance. Do not condemn others by prejudice. You never know, you may find yourself some day in a similar predicament.
Do not look down at others in a superior way. You may be better than the other in one respect, yet worse in another. Especially great is the temptation to criticize members of one’s own family. Grownups are inclined to think that children must be taught by criticism. This is a wrong attitude. Children should be guided by example and suggestion, rather than ordered and criticized for doing things wrongly. Harsh criticism causes resentment and a feeling of inferiority in children which does great harm to their future lives. Children should be praised, and made to feel important at every opportunity. This builds self-reliance.
Criticism of adults among themselves causes many a tragedy in family life. A nagging wife or husband will contribute untold misery to the lives of the other members of the family as well as their own. No happiness is possible where criticism or nagging is prevalent. When you intimate your equality with the other person you are loved and respected. The minute you show your superiority you are hated. When you are concerned with any problem the best thing to do is to analyze it by putting it down in writing. Then you see it clearly before your eyes and are able to work it out easily in your mind. Divide a sheet of paper vertically into two halves. Mark one side as positive, the other as negative. Put down all arguments for the matter on the positive side, those against on the negative side. When you can think of no more arguments pro or con you can compare both sides and judge for yourself which is the stronger one. After your problem has been analyzed, and a conclusion reached, act upon it as soon as possible and get it over with. It will not worry you any more once a decision has been reached and action taken. If the matter is out of your control leave it to take care of itself in the course of time. Have faith that, with God’s help, it will come out as it should. Make up your mind that you will accept the worst and be satisfied, then no matter how bad it may turn out you will not be affected because you have prepared yourself for it. When you have some current problems do not regard them as life and death affairs. On the contrary, think of them as trifling and insignificant. Say to yourself that in ten years they will be long forgotten, so why worry now? Take up problems as you go, live one day at a time and do not worry about tomorrow—it will take care of itself. It is advisable to set down on paper your daily problems and some time later to glance over them to convince yourself that there was no need to worry about them. Then you will see for yourself that perhaps ninety-nine percent of your worries were not serious at all and did not justify the trouble. You will be amazed to find out how much you can learn from your own experiences by writing your problems down and looking them over later on.
Be thankful to God for what you possess—health, normal body functions, a position, and possessions. A daily prayer of thankfulness is a wonderful help.
Do not covet what others have, they may be very unhappy even though they possess more than you. Do not carry any hatred or try to get even with others. By doing so you will harm yourself more than you plan to harm them.
Any time you have a negative thought drive it out of your mind by immediately changing to something cheerful. Have humorous happenings written down for such occasions, pull out your book and switch to them as fast as you can. Don’t regard it as foolish to gather anecdotes; they are healers of sick minds.
Try to forget about yourself. Manage your life if possible so that you are most of the time with other people; talk things out with them; take an interest in their affairs; try to help them out and you will find that there lies the greatest happiness.
A very practical aid in combating worry is to write out a brief chart of suggestions and affirmations against worrying and place that in front of you in your office, bedroom, study, or carry it in your wallet—any place where it can be seen or easily obtained to glance over in emergencies. The human mind is forgetful and a physical reminder is always an effective aid.
You may achieve control over all other negative emotions which unsettle your peace of mind by applying yourself to it, and having the desire and faith to accomplish it. Envy, jealousy, resentment, anger, irritation, and the like may be conquered by careful analysis, determination to correct them, affirmation, and faith. Cultivate patience, love, and consideration for the other person and there will be no soil for the growth of dissension in your heart.
The following is a highly efficient method recommended by eminent psychologists to rid one’s self of accumulated inhibitions.
For a period of thirty days or so sit down at the same time each day and write on a sheet of paper all the negative thoughts, fears, emotions, and apprehensions which come to your mind. Spare nothing; make it a real confession. Continue this for ten to fifteen minutes at a time, after which destroy the paper and pay no more attention to the matter until the next sitting. At various intervals during the day affirm to yourself mentally something like this: “I am a new person; I am free of all inhibitions: I am happy now and will be happy all the rest of my life; God is with me; He gives me courage and peace; peace, peace, peace!”
This combined procedure will clean out all the accumulated mental obstructions and then fill our subconscious mind with healthy constructive matters which will promote peace of mind and contentment. When you become master of your emotions you have really reached the top of perfection and have found true happiness.
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